Scared to Death
by FClydEN
Summary: One is terrified of losing, the other is terrified of knowing can't go through but both are scared living a lonely life without each other. With the tragic truth brought by the past, will their love ever be truly begun? Inspired by a song with the same title and other things, like a blog.


**Summary: One is terrified of losing, the other is terrified of knowing can't go through but both are scared living a lonely life without each other. With the complication brought by the truth of the past, will their love ever be truly begun? Inspired by a song with the same title and other things.**

**A/N Ahm hi. I did this to let this out of my head cause it's haunting me for months now and so yeah this it is. Unbeta so all mistakes are mine so sorry for all the errors. I also don't lived in UK so I guess things will be weird here. I really had a plot and story for this but the thing is I don't know if I could pull this one through. To be honest, it is a writing exercise [and stress reliever for me]. So please be gentle.. please?**

**I don't own Skins,the image, and the song owned by Kz Tandingan and I possessed lack of talent.**

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_|Prologue|_**  
**

_I'll never be good enough for you...  
_  
"I see that doctors practice their patient's privacy these days".

The man in the white gown took his eyes away from the paper and smiled at her sarcasm. He looked up at the ceiling and said, "Yeah, they do but the thing is", he paused and took a glimpsed of her, "I'm not a doctor".

_I don't expect you to forgive me..._

He continued to stay and properly looked at the sight that is in front of him. She was sitting at the chair placed near at the bed. Her head at the bedside and clasped the hand of her lover like it is her lifeline. He could see that she is crying and she don't care whoever sees her in that state. Eyes says how much she cares, the way she looks with the person who was sleeping at the bed with contraptions attached. Of course he knew how much this person means to her.

"You know the more you stay, the more danger you'll cause. It is not safe for everyone if you are here. Most especially hers".

"I know" she whispered letting another lone tear to escaped.

_Just don't do anything reckless..._

The _doctor_ knew how stubborn she could be. He may not be _with_ her through out her life, but he was always _there_. Now, he was watching her and leave her to it and lets her take her time.

She looked at the bruises and cuts, caressed the broken bones so her love won't accidentally woke up and gave _more_ pain. She listened to the slow but calm breathing and beeping sound of her girlfriend's heart monitor. And there she was looking at her full of adoration, love and sadness. Making this moment last, imprinting and memorizing every detail in her memory. No matter how those bandages don't suit her, she is still beautiful in her eyes, as always.

_Don't wait for me..._

She stands up and took the paper at his hands.

"It is not in your place to read that letter"

He didn't respond but looked straight in her eyes. A deadly stare with a warning- no, that's not right- a threat that says she will not make any remorse on whatever she will do. _The Ice Queen I see, but you are more than that. And your looks could _really_ kill, you are really a natural huh kiddo._ He got lost track at his mind as it reminded him of another person who possessed the same attribute. The same person who was _responsible_ for all of these. But he still smiled at the thought, even though a sad one, _it is really a curse but I have stronger faith in __**you**__._

Neatly folding the paper she knew what she had to do. Much as she hates herself for doing this, she must leave. _It is for the best_. _But what's best is not right._

She saw her girlfriend stirred her button nosed. _Still fucking adorable. _"Moments from now she will wake up", she whispered as those emotionless eyes turned into soft and loving one.

"What are you going to do about it?", he said and left the room.

Slowly closing her eyes, she lets the words sank in her. Taking a deep breath and took the placed beside her girlfriend again. Taking her hand, she lead it to her cheeks and kissed the palm and knuckles. And started to cry again.

"Remember the last time I told you that I was scared?" she laughed at the memory with herself pity. "A fear that was so stupid. I'm really a twat, am I? But then...then you'd forgiven me and took me back. And I was so fucking happy... and I promised that I will never never ever hurt you again".

She smiled, laughed and cried as she recalled all her memories with this amazing person. This amazing person who made her happier, made her less alone; less lonely. And now, just by knowing the aftermath of what she's about to do, she can't do anything but to cry and felt it all again. Felt all these feelings she had with her for the very _last_ time**.**

"But.. but you know what? I am again.. I'm breaking my promise. I know how much you'll throw a fit. But you matter to me more than anything else Ems and this will be the last time I'll ever hurt you. And this will be the last time you'll be hurt _because _of me. Be happy... Fall in love again... Be contented with a life _without me_ my love. Can you promise me that huh _Ems_?" choking the last parts as she tried to hold her mouth with her hand cause she knew if she cried more she will woke her up.

"_I love you Emily Fitch. Always will_" she said as she gave one last chaste kiss at her forehead.

He saw how another tragic story unfold before him even he was watching from the window. It is nothing new to him but he has been doing this with his whole life. But now he was up close and finally able to _meet_ her, he fully understands. Saw how devastated she looked with her last moments with her girlfriend but as soon as she walked out of room, as soon as she closed the door, he saw the war battles she fought inside of her. But there's nothing she could do, the battle of the broken person won by the _monster_ who's living inside of her. The monster who she thought died when she open up, let herself to love and be loved.

_As much I've tried to get you away for this trouble, there are just things that are inevitable. _It really crossed his mind that one day this might happen so he prepares himself for it. But never did it crossed his mind on what he did ages ago, will be _done_ again.

"I'm sorry", he sincerely said.

"For all this have to happen?", she said with no accusation but he was bothered by the tone. He knew she was changing, he knew what she's about to become. Someone who had to be on the day they were born.

"For you had to become your father's daughter"

But she didn't bother to respond rather she looked at Emily one last time. He was wrong though. She's _not_ doing this to run away; she's doing this to save the person who terrified her and also grateful for. So she just simply walks away from her, walks away from her life, her love and leaving her everything behind.

_...Goodbye my love._

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**I know...  
-cly**


End file.
